Stuff the boss wouldn’t let us put on the other LogicMaze blog

The title is not fiction, but the Monkey is not alive!!

We all love the career builder monkey ads so much (see below) that we have been bugging the boss to get us an office monkey, she did, we had a contest to name it and I won. The proof is here.

Let’s talk about Jeeps. Let’s specifically discuss jeep accessories.

Here’s the deal:

I have this crazy uncle Walter (like that David?) who, for some reason or another *glug glug*, is under the impression that I own a Jeep Wrangler. So he calls me the other day and says “Mitchell, did you get the package?”

“Uncle Walter, you know that the restraining order stricktly forbids you sending me any sort of packages,” I reminded him.

“Now I can’t send my nephew a Christmas present?” he asked.

I sighed. “No, Walter, I didn’t get any package. Should I brace myself for the worst?”

“Only if by ‘the worst’ you mean driving in style!”

There was a long awkward pause.

“Walter. . .Walter, I don’t own a car,” I finally replied.

“Heck no you don’t own a car! You’ve got that Jeep Wrangler 4X4 offroading machine!”

I was in no mood to argue with him about this. The background behind the story is that Uncle Walter has some crazy nonexistant memory of me giving him a ride in a Jeep Wrangler. This has definitely never happened.  I have never driven, let alone owned a Jeep Wrangler.

This minor detail didn’t stop my Uncle Walter from sending me a huge box full of Jeep Wrangler accessories.

I now have a hard top from Bestop, a Warn winch, some new seat covers and some tire covers and nothing to put them on.

I guess that I need to buy a Jeep. . .

Please read this!

Well, if you didn’t already know, you can check for yourself. I sent a letter to Phil Collins imploring him to contract us to fix his crappy, crappy web site. Of course, I did so in much nicer terms. It wouldn’t have mattered if I called him a fart sandwich, in all actuallity. I apparently sent the letter to the wrong Phil Collins. Read for yourself:

Dear Mitchell,

I appreciate your letter, but I regret to inform you that I am not the Phil Collins that you intended to reach. I am Phillip Charles David Collins, from Pike County Illinois. I am relatively sure that you are looking for Phillip David Charles Collins, who lives in the U.K. I think. I’m afraid that I can’t be of much help for you to get a hold of the intended Phil Collins.

In reference to the web design business you mentioned, I was wondering if there was any way that I could get in touch with you about potentially building a site for my Illinois outfitters company that I run from my land. I wouldn’t want anything major, maybe just some sections for deer hunting rates, some turkey hunting rates and some pictures of big trophy buck.

I hope to hear from you soon. I’m ever so lonely.

Your friend,

Phil (not Phil Collins) Collins

I guess that logic should have dictated to me that Phil Collins didn’t live in Illinois. Oh well.

Well, I’m a little bummed out. Would you like to know why? Sure you would.

So earlier this week, the folks behind the Got Milk? campaign launched a genious idea: stickers that smell like chocolate chip cookies in the same bus stations as got milk ads.
Personally, I think that maybe a company like Nestle would benifit from that campaign, but I can see where they were going with it, so all’s well.
Like all other good ideas, it was scrapped a day later.

The worst part is that I was getting the folks here at LogicMaze to really get behind the idea. Thanks to technology that we had already developed with our product: LogicMace, we were able to integrate what I have coined as Smellvertising (I’m working on it, jerk!) into our web designs. It’s so crazy that it just might work.

The first company to be brave enough to allow us to try it is our friends at Wilson Waste Management. Take a look. . .or should I say take a smell: Click Here.

We have some strange goings-on in Hutchinson today. LogicMaze can neither confirm nor deny that former Guns’N'Roses front man, Axl Rose was spotted ’shuffling for bucks’ on a 4th Avenue street corner earlier today. When a (semi-) reliable source was sought for verification, she was quoted as saying, “definitely AXL [woo-hoo baby]!” LogicMaze will not rest until this rumor can be verified or laid to rest. Such is our commitment to the truth and pointless video clips.

Let me ask you a simple question, ladies and gentlemen: when it comes to planning your trip and booking your flight online, who are you going to trust, an efficient machine, like a robot or an inanimate lawn gnome?

I can look back through my entire life, and most likely not find a single good experience that involved a lawn gnome.
I know what you’re about to say: “Mitchell, are you trying to tell me that you’ve had any experiences at all that involved a robot?”
In response to this, I will quote my coworker and friend David and say “Shut up and let me finish.”

So there I was, trying to figure out a way to book my flight, save a little money and (most importantly) not have to leave my living room.

“Man, I wish there was some sort of online travel site!” I exclaimed as I threw up my hands in exasperation.

It was at that very moment, that Travletron5000 burst through my living room wall in an almost Kool Aid Man-esque manner.

Once I got passed the terror and Travletron explained to me that he was simply there to help me book my flight, I offered him a drink. He politely declined and explained to me that robots do not drink.

As we talked, he opened my eyes to the whole world of online travel and showed me the many ins and outs. In a short time, I had bought my plane tickets online and Travletron was on his way out. I asked him as he was turning to leave if he would fix my wall that he had crashed through. The answer was “No” as he explained that he “wasn’t programmed to fix walls” he “just does the online travel thing.”

As I stared at the giant hole in my wall, I began to wonder if there was a way to find a new apartment online, but I tried to not put too much thought into it, as I wasn’t sure if there was another robot that was programed to do that to come crashing through my other wall.

Peterson Predictive Maintenance. That’s right. Get used to hearing about them because these folks are on a national quest to save as many asses as they can. Indulge me for a moment and I’ll be happy to explain. Or you can check out more information about these high-tech predictive maintenance gurus here.

Let’s just say that you work in a manufacturing facility, distillation plant, or other medium to large scale industrial complex. You’ve got all kinds of motors, pumps, switch boxes, fuses, relays, etc. in there, right? And naturally anything that has moving parts or electricity running through it has the potential to break down to some extent if not the complete kaflooey.

Now how do you suppose regular Joe’s and Josephine’s like us would go about trying to tell if one of these pieces of equipment were going on the fritz and about to fail (i.e. kaflooey)? Why, we’d sit on it of course!

Okay, not really. But our natural instincts are most often to examine that equipment with the most basic diagnostic tools available… ourselves. It’s fairly common for a person to put their hand on orlean in close to listen to a piece of questionable equipment. Certainly more sensitive than using one’s Southern hemisphere, but far from the best idea to determine potential failure.

So,  Joe rolls up his sleeve and gingerly places his hand on the housing for the large electrical motor he’s concerned about. And putting a damper on Joe’s day and that evening’s card game are the second degree burns he gets for his trouble.

Or Joe (this poor guy) leans in to listen to the main switch box for the plant before he opens it, figuring he’d be able to hear if there was anything abnormal inside. That night Joe’s explaining to his wife where his eyebrows and half of his ballcap went because of the flash that came from an arcing fuse inside there.

Short and sweet, here’s the point, folks. Peterson Predictive Maintenance uses a combination of two state-of-the-art technologies, Infrared Thermal Imaging and Ultrasound Detection, to accomplish some amazing things that can save your business an absurd amount of money…and save your rump, too.

They can tell you when a motor, electrical switch gear, or anything else, is hotter than it should be without touching it (even from 100ft away). They can hear dangerous arcing caused by loose connections without even getting close to it. They can see through concrete to detect leaks in buried pipelines. They can detect compressed air or gas leaks at a distance and then target them with pinpoint accuracy. Because of their knowledge and experience, the list of uses for their services goes on and on.

But you don’t have to take if from me. I’m guilty of having used the human thermometer, too. Go and check out www.petersonpredict.com and see what I’m talking about. There are many examples there and much better explanations of the services they provide. It’s worth it. After all, the ass that you save may be your own.

It was only a matter of time, according to employees at Hutchinson Kansas web design company: LogicMaze.

“Her interest in popcorn just kept growing and growing,” stated an annonymous LogicMaze employee, who’s married to Tamara. “At first, she would just eat it at lunch time. Before long, she was making popcorn pancakes for breakfast and popcorn casserole for dinner.”
He then paused for a moment to sob.
“She tried to make beer out of popcorn,” he continued. “Beer.“

It was this overwhelming fixation eventually became all encompassing. Colleagues began to notice little things like a picture of Orville Redenbacher as her Windows desktop background and the necklace that she had made by stringing popcorn kernels together with fishing line. Occasionally, things would slip into the crazy when she would wear an empty popcorn bag on her head.

Then it happened, Tamara wasn’t seen around LogicMaze for a solid week. Nobody knew where she was. The halls of the office were a whirlwind of speculation. Each had their own idea, but there was one common factor in all of their hypothesis: it had something to do with popcorn.

The following Friday, almost a week and a half after she disappeared, Tamara Heitschmidt returned. She had some big news for everybody at the office: she had bought the company Orville Redenbacher. Everyone at work was baffled by this sudden decision. To a firestorm of questions, she responded simply by telling them that Orville Redenbacher popcorn “pops up lighter and fluffier than ordinary popping corn.” She then finished with “Eats better too.” before she went to her office and shut the door.

Nobody knows for sure the fate of companies LogicMaze and Orville Redenbacher. Friends and family are currently attempting to talk Heitschmidt out of changing the name of the popcorn company to LogicBacher.

Stop what you are doing right now and click here !!!

You wont be sorry!!!