Stuff the boss wouldn’t let us put on the other LogicMaze blog

LogicMaze has an immediate opening for a php/mysql programmer. This is an in-house position.

Full benefits available after trial period (90 days), Salary negotiable and based on knowledge/experience. Quarterly bonus potential.

Fun, laid back work environment with progressive company.

Send resume to jobs@logicmaze.com. Just give it a shot, what could it hurt?

The entire LogicMaze staff would like to thank all of our friends, family and clients for the amount of understanding we have received over the last few days.

We lost all power to our offices on Tuesday night. Three of our staff members also lost all power to their homes. We moved our equipment to a residence Wednesday morning and almost immediately lost power to that residence. We were able to stay connected by laptop and Alltel broadband card just enough to troubleshoot and keep everyone’s websites running. We are completely back up and functional as of this morning (Friday, Dec 14th) but we will probably not be back on schedule with project work until Monday or Tuesday of next week.

Thanks again, and our thoughts are with everyone out there who had a rough go with this weather.

I recently rejoined the illustrious mass that is Kansas drivers when I purchased a car. In my hiatus, I had forgotten that the bulk of them are crazy. It’s almost enough to necessitate an armor-plated vehicle just to ensure my safety. I actually saw somebody eating and talking on their cell phone at the same time whilst driving. When I say I saw them, I mean I got a very up close view when they swerved, erratically, into my lane without looking. Luckily, Mario Andretti has nothing on me. I deftly avoided an accident in that instance. People like this are prime candidates for license suspension.

The problem is that these people somehow manage to maintain their Kansas drivers license, despite their indifference toward common sense and the safety of others.

Here’s another example: Have you ever seen somebody driving with their left foot hanging out the window? What could possibly put the idea in somebody’s head that it’s a good idea to have a critical appendage like a foot jutting from the window for all to see? Maybe he had to air it out. I don’t know. I couldn’t possibly begin to pretend to know what would possess someone to do that. The point is it’s dangerous. Such behavior is grounds for immediate drivers license revocation in my book. And potentially chemical castration.

That’s the end of my rant, ladies and gentlemen.

For the past several months I have kinda ignored my duties here at LogicMaze to work on my first Novel.

Here’s the premise of the story:

A bunch of guys who are nerds and geeks in the truest sense have decided to band together. The form a website about being nerdy and geeky and profess their wisdom and pride in such matters. Then out of nowhere their Golden Calf type idol loses some weight, shaves his head, gets a decent wardrobe and they turn on him. They comlpetely destroy his life by inferring he is a sell out and they now hate him. Ends up though that the guy is making Bazillions of dollars is actually a cool guy and has the greatest job in the world and somehow he doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass what these guys think, nor should any other human being in the world.

Anyhow that’s the story, I took it to my lawyers and literary agent and we were just about to start pitching it to publishers when our crack legal staff discovered someone else had already written this exact same story. HERE IT IS!!

CRAP!! Back to the drawing board.

Ok most of the stuff we put on this blog is crazy made up crap!?!?!

But we really do have a job opening (no kidding!!) Click here for more details!!

Ever make a great plan only to get to excited about what you are going to go do and forget the whole damn plan and end up having to wing it?

The LogicMaze staff (most of us) and some of our friends/family went paintballing last Thursday at Extreme Crossfire.

We forgot to call everyone and remind them before the day of the party, only 10 of the 20 people we invited remembered to put it on their schedule.

We forgot to bring a camera, not one single picture was taken all night.

We still had an incredible time and will definitely be planning another party out there. What a great place for a company party or a birthday party. Great people running the place that are honestly concerned about whether or not you feel like you got your moneys worth. If you are within driving distance of Hutchinson, Ks and want to have some great, extremely affordable fun. Give them a call at (620) 664-7262 or check out their site here!

Tamara, who is the boss around here got some embarrassing bruises. Might ask here about them next time you run into here!!!!

So they say.

The question is: when it crosses over into ripping someone off, is it still flattering? Other guys at the office brought to my attention this site. Looking at the site itself, that’s obviously not what I’m referring to as the copying. HOWEVER! If one were to view the source on their site as well as ours. . .well:

<META NAME=“keywords” CONTENT=“website designer hutchinson ks website design website designer hutchinson kansas mcpherson wichita salina newton reno county kansas web site design shopping cart sell items online”>

<META NAME=“description” CONTENT=“Website designer - Hutchinson Ks Website design by a Hutchinson Kansas website designer - 

Serving All of Kansas including clients in Wichita Salina Mcpherson and several other states offers logical thinking, graphic design, website hosting, logo design, search engine optimization, Ecommerce.”>

You’ll just have to take my word that ours was there first. If you try to, you can find the navigation links on their site (white on white background, but they highlight red on rollover) and navigate to the contact page to learn that they run out of Miami, but have an office in Olathe. Why, then, would they shoot for Hutchinson in their Meta info? Maybe they answered that question for me: “Your conpetitors….already have an website!” *cough*spell check*cough*

Absolutely they do! Just use their stuff!
Anyway, I’m a total jerk for bagging on these guys, but I just had to. I mean. . .

The LogicMaze crew and some friends are planning on having some fun paintballing here in a couple of weeks. It’s an exciting thought, but I’ve never been. As out of shape as I am, I’m positive that I’m going to prove myself to be physically inept.

This reminds me of the time that we all went whitewater rafting with our friends at Idaho Afloat. Even the most seasoned, skilled rafting guide couldn’t keep me from sinking all of us. The lucky part is that I did it before we got anywhere near the rapids. Okay, truth be told: I flipped the raft getting in. They made me stay back at the hotel after that.

This is a great song!!

Take the time and watch it come on your boss won’t care?!

If you do like it the guy’s name is Charlie Robison!

Sometimes when I get a wild hair, I go into sort of a journalistic streak. This week, I really wanted to do an interview. I scanned the newspapers for important stories, where I felt that only one side was represented.  That was when I found the article “Officers on ‘egret patrol’.” I’d link to it, but after a few days, it will get archived and you’ll have to pay to read it. Here’s a link that will give you a little more info on Hutchinson Police vs. Egrets.

Here’s the jist:

Ask the Hutchinson Police Department what Lt. Troy Hoover and Chief Dick Heitschmidt are up to these days, and you’re likely to get a startling answer.

“He’s still out on egret patrol,” the officers’ administrative assistant said.

Egrets have been, for lack of a better word, infesting the Southeast part of Hutchinson for a couple of years now. It’s not uncommon for somebody who lives in that area to find dead egrets on their property, or maybe their excrement. Our police department has been given the seemingly impossible task of keeping this migration of inconvenience from happening.

It’s certainly easier said than done, considering that federal law prevents the police from simply pulling out a shotgun and laying the pests to waste. It’s a shame, because that would probably be pretty fun. I realize that this is going to be a major pain in the arse for those enlisted. Tying shiny ribbons to trees and  deploying owl decoys are just two of the tactics employed.

There’s one major question that was gnawing at me while I thought about this situation: What’s the egrets friggin’ deal, man? I decided that I would get to the bottom of this. There was only one way that I saw to possibly do that: interview the King Egret. That was how I found myself in the lair of the egrets, just off of Lorraine and G street in some poor, unsuspecting sap’s attic. I was surrounded by what I assumed were drone egrets, ready to attack if I made any sort of threatening movement toward the King Egret. Yes, this was journalism at it’s most dangerous.

The King Egret spread his wings, as if to humble me with his not-so-impressive wingspan. I humored him, and politely bowed my head, as I figured a subordinate egret was likely to do. It was time for me to begin my interview.

Here’s a transcript:

Me: King Egret, let me just thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I really appreciate this, and I want to get to the bottom of the bad blood between your kind and my kind.

King Egret: Let’s just get this done quickly. I’ve got females presenting outside.

Me: Right. Of course. So I guess my first question is: What gives?

King Egret: What gives?

Me: Yeah. What’s the deal with you guys all comin’ up in our business and poopin’ on our stuff? Why Hutchinson?

King Egret: What do you mean ‘Why Hutchinson’? This place is great! I mean, we tried Burrton, but. . .it’s Burrton.  We like it here. The property tax isn’t too high, you’ve got that awesome zoo in the park and you have five Subways. Five!

Me: You. . .uh. . .like Subway, huh?

King Egret: We also dig going to the Cosmosphere. Entry is free to Reno County residents, so we’ve gotta live here.

Me: Oh, come on! There’s no way that they let you into the Cosmosphere.

King Egret: Bet me?

Me: No. . .  So what do you do to occupy your time while you’re here in Hutchinson? Besides make a lot of mess and noise, that is.

King Egret: Well, a couple dozen of us have taken to opening payday loan stores. One of them pretends like he’s a kangaroo. He says that kangaroos are ‘more presentable,’ but I take that as a disrespect to his species.

Me: As you should. . .  So, how do you feel about local law enforcement’s efforts to scare you away from the regions of town that you frequent.

King Egret: I’ll tell you, I don’t like it one bit. They shouldn’t be able to do that, because, from what I understand, I have diplomatic immunity.

Me: You are referring to the federal law that prevents law enforcement from killing you?

King Egret: Exactly.

Me: Wouldn’t you rather live somewhere that you’re more welcome?

King Egret: We’ve made our decision. The people of Hutchinson are just going to have to learn to tolerate us, like in Alien Nation.

Me: Wow, that’s an obscure reference.

King Egret: You like that?

Me: Yeah.

King Egret: Look, I’ve got things to do. It’s been nice talking to you and all, though. Tell me where you live, and I’ll make sure that we don’t poop on it.

And just like that, my interview with King Egret ended. He flew away, letting out a great. . .whatever sound egrets make. I don’t know that my interview gave us any insight of how to get rid of these pests, but it definitely helped us understand why they’re here.